Monday, December 26, 2011

In which the holidays happen

My great grandmother died. The funeral was three days ago. I wanted to go, but we couldn't find cheap enough tickets at that short notice over the holidays. Also my mother's caught on to how often I hit myself with my own luggage and has considered the whole flying thing a bit of a hazard. She'd probably still let me go if it wasn't for the price, but as it is I spent the holidays out here in DC.

It isn't cold at all here. No snow. It snowed on my birthday but not Christmas. It's kind of weird, really. It was a nice enough Christmas anyway. Anya and Theresa came over for an hour or so. They gave me A Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Treasure Island. I love those films. They are some serious grade nostalgia and I will always fricken love the muppets. Of course, Theresa also yelled at me a bit. Apparently when Anya was in therapy she told a kid who was in the same office that she 'was possesed by a demon. Don't worry, it's gone now'.

That's why you don't show eleven year olds R rated movies, folks.

My mom got me a coat. It's purple and made out of thick cloth, with these big round buttons and pleats around the collar and on the bottom. I think it makes me look like a bald yet very pretty grown up Madeline. Put on a hat and the bald part goes away! I really love this coat, actually. It's warm and pretty and I have decided to wear it everywhere.

So the holidays were good. I can't really stop thinking about my great grandmother though. I mean, I hadn't talked to her for years. I liked her, but we were never particularly close. I have a big family so it's hard to be really close with everyone. And she usually kept to herself. I'm not even sure I know her name. Yet she's blood, and I really did like her. Her whole death seems kind of distant.

Yet at the same time, it hit really close to home. A member of my family died. Aside from my great grandfather, which I don't really remember, I have had a pretty intact family. Now someone of my own bloodline's gone, and I feel like it's possible that I might be next. I mean, I was already aware of my own mortality. But now it feels even closer, more real somehow.

I can't really explain it. Her death means nothing and everything. I wish mourning could be clearer. Or at the very least less selfish.

Aside from all that, not much has happened.

1 comment:

  1. I.. know saying sorry won't make it better. But, really.. I am sorry. Not because it will change anything, or I think I should be.

    But because I know that pain, intimately.

    I wish you well for the winter, and past that. Good luck, doll.